So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
