I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
