Small penises have feelings too.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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