dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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