You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
