we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
