At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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