I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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