I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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