So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
