Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
