I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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