Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
