so that wasnt chicken after all
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
