Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
