Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
