Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
