So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
