He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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