I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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