Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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