The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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