This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
