I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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