Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
