I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
