the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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