even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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