I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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