I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
