Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
