shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
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Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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