i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
