If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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