I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
