First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
