I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
