im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
