I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
