Having a random hookup so left but love u
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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