I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
