the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
