He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
