I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
