i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
