Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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