Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
