So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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