mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's just like the Real World with babies
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
