I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
