Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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