My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
