Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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