We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
