There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
