you have to choose: penises or morals?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
