I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
