he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
